More "Self Taught" Mess

On the art front:  Today I was reading an article about one of my favourite artists, Chris Roberts Antieau, appreciating that in addition to being self-taught, she collects the art of primarily self-taught artists herself.  Something tells me that my work will never make it to her house.  There is nothing more frustrating than just flat out not knowing what I'm doing, sure that somebody, somewhere, knows exactly how to do what I'm trying to do, just not me.

The ever-evolving figurative piece is currently the bane of my existence.  Art isn't supposed to be this frustrating.  Either I sit here with a blank brain, or I just start doing "stuff" to it to try to make it better, often just making it chaotic.  Arghhhhh!  The artists who say, "Just do something!" are putting me in a bit of a slapping mood.  So I've tied wire, cut the wire off, removed the working stand, tried incorporating paper (it looks cool, but too much like a dress on a masculine-faced piece), took off the paper, tore the paper, stitched the paper, shoved it up the caboose of the piece again (it was good for a chuckle, but not a good look), and finally started cutting heavy wire to create a modern base.  This paragraph makes about as much sense as the pile of debris on my desks looks like art.  Not much.

On the Mom front: I woke up in the middle of the night, stressing that I've missed not one boat, but an entire fleet in getting my #2 child prepared to go to college in less than two years.  Child #1 was the most self-directed academic-minded child I ever knew.  She was obsessive about doing well in school, thinking about college when her age was still in the single-digit range.  Child #2 says to me when he got a D on his report card a couple of years ago, "Hey, at least it wasn't an F!" as if I should be thrilled with that little bit of information.  Because, hey, I should have known a "D" wasn't all that bad, right?  I feel wicked wondering if I invest in one of those pricey classes to help prepare him for the SAT exam if he'll even study or care.  When I ask, I get a hint of the right answer, but no sense of commitment.  Right now, I'm obsessed with pointing out sad jobs (like the poor blokes that do nothing but throw suitcases on airplanes, and often the wrong plane at that) and tell Kevin that THEY didn't go to COLLEGE.  He chuckles, I keep looking for more examples and hope it will inspire him to care one tenth as much as I do.

Is "Self Taught" the kiss of death for an artist???

As I'm wrapping up the studio and actually getting it into a condition that will allow me to work, I'm busy sketching and jotting down ideas for future projects. I like looking at Etsy to see what other artists are doing and to get a sense of whether or not there's any market left given this stinky economy. On the one hand, I'm as intimidated as hell with the artists' bios that go on at length about their MFA from this fabulous university, followed by gallery shows all over the globe. Then I stumble on web sites or printed articles about people who are, in my opinion, great artists and describe themselves as "self taught." I dread the conversations with my husband's work associates (he's a senior administrator at a large university) when they ask (if they bother, because I AM just the wife), "What do you do?" I feel as if I must first apologize for no longer having an office job (it was a great job at a hospital, but then they ask if I am a nurse or doctor, to which I must justify my life and responsibilities for all radiation safety, contracts, etc. and watch their eyes glaze). When I explain that I have "retired" from the world of suits and pantyhose to follow my passion for art, they start asking questions about where I studied or with whom. Some of these people collect the real thing - they have Picasso hanging in their home, among other "real" artists' works. Now I want to change the subject.

I twitch in discomfort and reply that I have learned on my own after years of playing, expirimenting, enjoying inspiration provided by knowing other artists or following their work. Do we have to have permission to use the label artist because it was not bestowed by an institution of higher education? I went to high school with John Lasseter (Pixar) and can tell you that I remember distinctly attending a show of art work by the students, particularly two of his huge paper mache sculptures. I remember thinking that this guy was a seriously talented artist, and he was only a senior in high school. I never even took art in high school, but can't imagine my life without being able to release the creative drive that I can't explain to people who just don't have that compulsion to create something out of bits and pieces.

Perhaps I just need to relax about answering the dreaded question. I am self taught, and I'm not too lousy at it all if I do say so myself. Even if it is privately or anonymously here on the web.

Time to sketch.