Today is a fine "Mom" day

You'd think I'd be in the studio, delirious about having the house completely to myself and cranking on the art, but instead I was plowing through a box of photographs I'd forgotten I'd stashed under the office desk.  The box is filled primarily with photos of Kevin, with Erica's being in more manageable boxes and better organized (always the case with the first baby).  I got a lot of laughs at all of the bottomless photos (he was bottomless, not a bottomless stash), sure to pop up in a wedding slide show down the road ;-)  There are a lot of photos of Kevin laying on the kitchen counters, trying to get up close and personally involved in whatever food prep was happening.  Sometimes he wore clothes, sometimes he just couldn't be bothered.  Then there were the multitude of photos of Kevin and dogs.  Anyone's dog.  When we went on vacation to outdoorsy locations like Mammoth Lakes, the greatest joy for Kevin was finding someone with a dog and asking if he could pet the pooch while sporting the most adorable ear-to-ear grin.  What a cutie.

For as much as Erica didn't seem thrilled about a new baby in the house after being an only child for so long, there are so many photos of her holding Kevin with the sweetest smile on her face, reading to him, playing the violin for him, or baking his birthday cake that show how much she loves him.  I never tire of hearing them tell each other that they love the other.

I grew silly weepy looking at the photos of my beautiful daughter and marvel that so many years have passed.  Way back then, our furniture was cheap and falling apart, our decor was made up of the mismatched stuff we could find and immature decorating experience, but in front of the ugly walls, tile and mismatched furniture are a lot of smiles, friends, celebrations and a visual recording of these good times.

This was a good mom day.

Progress again!

I finished one of my canvases!  On a walk through the home office, I had an epiphany when I eyed the Aboriginal painting my daughter brought home from her study abroad adventure in Australia.  Filling in the canvas with all of those little dots (yeah for chopsticks!) was really very relaxing.  "Pinky" is complete.

Scary days

I woke up in the middle of the night with the most wretched pain in my jaw, both top and bottom of the left side.   It came and went, and when it came, it hit hard.  I managed to get in to see my most fabulous dentist, and got a little weepy as I told him that I knew jaw pain could be symptomatic of a heart attack in women.  My father had his first heart attack when he was two years younger than I am now, followed by a cardiac arrest years later that have left him a very sad, lost man.  I advised Dr. Greg that I would like very much for him to find an abscess or cavity or some other explanation for the jaw pain that would be dental in nature vs. just plain medical.  Alas, all looks good on the dental front.  Who in their right mind is UNhappy not to have a dental emergency?!?  He bounced a few ideas off of me regarding medications I'm taking and possible side effects, and made a couple of suggestions including going back tomorrow for a cleaning and a follow up to see if I'm any better.  In the meantime, I know I've got to see my PCP and give him yet another nudge to help me make sure my heart is OK so that I can continue to try to shed this useless caboose that my knees are tired of holding up and get healthier.  I'm frustrated with feeling blown by doctors off given my family history.  Harrumph.

I actually managed to remember to shove the current art doll project in my purse as I'd promised the dentist's staff that I'd show them how I'm using the tools they give me the next time I came in to the office.  The reaction was less than enthusiastic, but I was OK this time.  Maybe I AM developing a little thicker skin!  Someone asked me if it was crafted after Voldemort of the most recent Harry Potter movies.  I made the head a couple of years ago, so it most definitely was not even influenced by that character, and I was even a little annoyed at the question.  Maybe my skin isn't quite thick enough ;-)  Oh well, I'm still OK with the wrinkled noses and the pause before their comments.  I'll be they all have white walls in their houses and silk flowers.  Ha ha!

Being a brat is so cathartic.

Bravo's new reality show "Work of Art"

While I have to admit to watching the Real Housewives programs and getting a laugh out of the bratty behavior (reminding my husband that I am FAB-u-lous compared to these wicked and ill mannered folks), there is a line that I just won't cross.  I will not continue to watch Bravo's "Work of Art."

I can't imagine a worse idea for a reality show.  My mental mantra has become "art is not a competitive sport!"  It's one thing to just not "get" someone's notion of art.  I know, I ranted about the dude who put carpet cleaners in acrylic boxes and called it art.  Mea culpa.  At the same time, my fussing wasn't loud (beyond the security officer I was teasing), to the artist's face, on national television, nor did it result in a public dismissal of the artist or his work from the museum.  I just wrinkled my nose and walked to another part of the museum to thoroughly enjoy the Renoir exhibit.  Somebody thought it was art and paid for it.  There's art in my living room that I know friends have raised a brow toward when I wasn't looking.  Let's just set the record straight.  I'm right; they're wrong! :-)

Shame on Sarah Jessica Parker and everyone else involved in the production of "Work of Art" and the public squashing of artists. 

Boo.  Hiss.  One episode was one too many.

Part II: Back Sans the Whining

So I went out to the pool, fussed for a few minutes, then just sat toasting my ankles and watching my friendly lives-under-the-deck lizard do push ups until he'd achieved quite the impressive yoga position.  I really thought about what was taking the fun out of art for me, reflecting on my friend Debbie's recent comments.  She hit the nail on the head.  I have been trying to do too much in terms of technique and media, wandering from what I really want to do and enjoy most.  I love so many different styles and types of work - pieces that incorporate fabric and paper, collage pieces that are truly thoughtfully composed, sculpture, paintings...but I don't do many of those things, at least not well.  I want to learn, but I was feeling under crazy pressure and impatient to get better faster than is reasonable.  I was becoming stressed with all that I wanted to learn to do, but had put aside the thing that is my passion - my figurative work.

I started thinking about artists who put out a modest number of pieces that are not just barely different versions of the last piece produced, but a wonderful variety of pieces that demonstrate remarkable skill.  Then there are the artists that crank out a zillion similar versions of the same item or style of piece that are incredibly successful in terms of sales, but how boring is that?!?.  I don't want to become artists #2.

After my pout-fest, I marched back into the studio.  I took the piece that I was grumping about, pulled out the stuffing, turning it inside out and got to whacking.  I made it more narrow and shorter, created a gusseted bottom, then whipped out all of my textile paints and started going to town, first with a brush, then just massaging it in with my bare hands.  I now love the colour!  I decided to take the wire "crown" I'd crocheted and woven and converted it into a collar.  Now I'm plotting how I can add more wire to create a marvelous neck piece and I feel like I'm back.  I'm back on track, I'm having fun, and I'm feeling more like I can participate in my other projects (the three canvases and the sketch book for the Art House Co-Op) without apologizing for my work and just have fun with it.

Much better!!!

P.S. for Debbie: I feel like I should buy you a pony or something since one can only dish out so many "Thanks!" and still sound sincere.  :-)

Frustrated Mom and Artist!

Today I felt compelled to pull out my box of incomplete art doll bodies and pieces and finish one project I've been messing around with for a while.  I'm sitting in the studio, grumping at the unfinished art doll.  I realize that the body is way out of scale for the size of the head and extremities I already made, and I am really unhappy with part of the design idea for assembling the piece.  Hemostats are great for yanking out the stuffing so I can cut down and resize the body.  I'm wrestling so much with scale that I feel like I'm just floundering and guessing.  I need to learn more.  See?!?


I broke my own rule with respect to art.  I looked at a few other artists' work that participated previously in the project that I've signed up for and they're amazing!  Alarmed at the thought of strangers picking up my project and guffawing (the technical term for snorting is disdain) at my efforts, I immediately started doing all the wrong things - going back to reference books to look at other artists' work for inspiration, criticizing my work and busting my own chops.  This time, I caught myself and tossed the books down, closed the web site and reminded myself that I used to do art for fun, it's not a competitive sport, and I've have GOT to knock it off and keep in mind all of the advice I'm getting from friends willing to put up with my eternal self-doubt while they continue to encourage me.

The family is all home for the long weekend.  It's actually harder for me to work when they're all home and I can hear televisions and computers, the fridge opening and closing, splashing in the pool...sounds that remind me that there's fun stuff going on outside the studio.  I think I need to take a break, refresh and defrost my brain and THEN try to get back to the project at hand.