I've been traveling so much recently, that I've had absolutely no time in the studio. Just returning home from a reunion weekend, I opted not to accompany H on his trip to Santa Barbara. I've had enough of trying to keep myself busy, by myself, away from home. Ugh.
This reunion has given me a lot to think about. An "old" friend laughingly pointed out that I can really TALK. Yes, I talk too much. I think that people who are out a lot, have a lot of friends and/or have a job that allows them to interact with people frequently have no idea how miserable it can be to suffer the silence of solitude after years of daily interaction with a lot of people. The friends that I left behind when we moved in 2013 don't have much in the way of free time for getting together socially. This new town has been rough, with everyone driving their snooty cars into their snooty garages, the doors close and we don't see them again until the garage door raises the next morning and they zip away again. We have received the message loud and clear in this neighborhood. Neighbors don't speak to each other. Ever. So yes, when I get around fun people, I tend to make up for lost time. My mid-year resolution - listen more, talk less.
The other thing I reflected on this weekend was how apologetic I am about the results of my creative efforts. Spending time with my now real-and-in-person friend and fabulous artist Debbie was eye-opening. We talked at length about how to move ahead, the fears and trepidation all artists experience, the rejection, and the need to keep moving forward and let our stories come out in our art. I've struggled with a particular piece for so long and Debbie has urged me to just finish it and move it out, completing that circle that is creating art and moving it along and then starting anew. So I have a plan for this piece that's been haunting me and will work on it this week. Photos to follow!
I have a lot to think about now that I'm home. I want to be healthier for the next reunion. I want to make progress in my artwork and not feel the need to apologize or explain sheepishly what I was thinking when I made it. I want to feel confident again. I want to learn how to make friends here and get the social back in my life. I'd like to see something different in the mirror the next time I look.
