My family and I continue to slog through trying to get our new house in order when we're all gone so many hours of the day. It has finally dawned on me how life is going to change in 2014, both as a mom and an artist.
Along with a few holiday greeting cards for the few people that have our new address, my son has been receiving notices from colleges about items he still needs to turn in to complete his application file. It's hit me. He's leaving. Now I'm trying to type with vision blurred by tears.
Yesterday I was going through the last box to unpack in the master bedroom. I found one of my old journals and flipped through a few pages. This volume was started while I was in my 7th year as an infertility patient, documenting a recent miscarriage (my third), and my 5th and final pregnancy. Much of it was spent in the hospital emergency department or in bed for more than four months, trying to hang on for as long as possible. I read with tears in my eyes that I hoped my child would one day know how very much we wanted him and how so very hard we worked to keep him alive. Now he's applying to colleges. Where did the time go?
So while I am spending up to four hours in the car every day, two of those are spent with him just talking about learning to drive, politics, news, party planning... I've been selfishly focused a lot on how I have NO time to do anything creative, spending my time behind the wheel or in the grocery store or cleaning up cat barf (thank you Tabitha, I'm never bored). Next fall, I will have much more time for making art than I ever have before. Today, I'm not sure how I feel about the impending change. I'll be an artist first, then mom when the kids have time for me. The table is turning. I hope I'm ready.
I want to thank you for the comments on my blog,but I also wanted to say I will be thinking of you as you prepare for your son to branch out. I also wonder where the years have gone,In May my youngest son(29):)and his wife will be touring California for 3 weeks a late honeymoon.I find it hard to believe that the son who almost killed me coming into this world,will be travelling from San Francisco to Los Angeles behind the wheel of a very large RV.
ReplyDeleteHappy trails to your son and his bride! I hope they have a wonderful time, starting out where I used to live and work, ending up near where I live now :-) It's a lovely drive during a beautiful time of year.
DeleteLinda~ you are such an incredible writer. Such a great story about how Kevin came into being and the changing time you are all going through. Very powerful. I so relate to your feelings and stories.
ReplyDeleteYes, life keeps changing so, we constantly "get" to keep growing.
It's a good thing.
I remember too, about being fearful of the empty nest. But, I've learned that they don't go away just because they leave home.
That's a good thing, too.